Dread

The constant foreboding atmosphere of my office job gives me a sense of impending doom.

I actually like dealing with the people but I feel that my every move is scrutinized. It's as if those in positions above me are taking in every little that could be considered a problem and cataloging it for an eventual, climatic exile. I know I need the money and working in a physically comfortable position is a plus, but I would really like to be in charge of my own fate.

There is an offer on a table to paint murals, maybe that would be a good outlet. I'm not sure if I like the act of painting enough. I do enjoy being creative and designing imagery. It would also be good to not be cooped up. The down side is that it may not be sustaining and there is still the sense of impending doom and being watched. This time it would be from clients however.

I think I should take more chances and I would if it was just myself at stake. Having two baby boys at home makes choices like these very difficult however. Risk is something that even in small amounts can be devastating when the life of children are at stake.

I shouldn't use them as an excuse to stay comfortable though. I need to set an example for them or they may end up in my dilemma.